The Measure of a Man - John Edward Coates

 

We all have experiences that constitute defining moments pregnant with both meaning and life-changing events. These prescient moments, so truly rare, reflect not only milestones but also critical forks in the road along the journey of life. It is those moments, and the events that define them, that represents the difference between what is and what might have been. It is at these critical moments that we are in so need of an miracle, or an angel, or just a really strong person to stand in the gap and demonstrate the virtues, values, and validity of character, maturity, and masculinity. All too often, when we look toward others for examples, we rarely find the kind of rugged determination , fortitude, and a strong moral compass that was so much a part of Uncle John’s very being. There are many ways by which character, maturity and masculinity are measured. But for me, the measure was in the character and life of my uncle John Edward Coates.

Although I have a lifetime of memories that I can draw upon, only a few are needed to illustrate just how powerful Uncle John’s influence was upon my life. I guess the first really meaningful period was when I was just in High School, struggling in physics when I came to really appreciate my Uncle. It was there, that Uncle John –as a graduate student attending St. Louis University-took on the job of teaching Physics at Lincoln High School. Talk about pressure, our regular physics teacher –Mr. Douglass –had become ill, and Uncle John became the replacement for the rest of the semester. Now, I got to admit, I was what you might call an underachiever, ok –I was downright academically lazy. I could do the work, but back then there were way too many distractions that frequently “demanded” more of my attention. I mean, things like trying to look cute, trying to impress the girls, trying to be a “man” to the guys, trying to keep from being trifling to those who were really so “cool” that they didn’t have to try to be cool. So, maintaining a C+ average, with your occasional A or B (to demonstrate that I really could do it if I wanted to) was cool enough, well C did stand for Cool, didn’t it.

Uncle John, excuse me…Mr. Coates (had to call him that in class) did not stand for any slovenliness, mediocrity, or anything less than maximum performance from his students. Even though he was just a ‘temporary’ instructor, he was determined that we would not only do the work but that we would be excellent in our doing. Fate surely was not my friend, as I was stuck –forced to leave my well crafted, highly honed skills of procrastination – and become the gifted student that Uncle John knew me to be. Well, he won, and I earned the respect of my Uncle by earning an A+ for the course.

If Uncle John had of limited his influence to just that of an educator, his would have been a remarkable influence in my life. But Uncle John, was more than an educator. He would have become a Catholic Priest had he not fell in love with an angel. But, God and heaven, had other plans as he set aside the cleric’s collar and married that angel that would become my Aunt Betty. I am not sure who influenced whom the most, for both were always accompanied with that persona of reflective peace, judicious humor, and unlimited love. Either way, with marriage they became one flesh, one soul, and one prayer.

It was Uncle John that demonstrated that even while living in hell they could live upright. While observing his responses, I learned that even though life continuously threw curves that one could still walk straight, and that even when the path seemed strewn with rocks of disappointment, pitfalls of destruction, and detours of distraction-one could yet find reasons to rejoice, find blessings within disasters, and find hope amidst the despair. Uncle John maintained his walk of faith even while traveling with sinners, maintained his priestly devotion to God even while walking through the valleys of shadow and death, and refrained from judgments even though people like me continued to fall short of my abilities.

I guess it was because of Uncle John’s lifelong struggle against hypocrisy that stands out among his other features. I mean, think about it, being a man in East St. Louis- a city where racism and poverty served up daily strong emasculating doses of failure, pity, and shame –took a kind of strength that only heroes regularly evince. And what was his response –surely revenge, retribution, and recrimination would be in order –but instead, Uncle John responded with increased determination, increased righteousness, and increased graciousness as he continued to strive, continued to plow the fields of dreams that we all found nourishment.

John Edward Coates, son of a Mississippi sharecropper, born in the height of the Great Depression, visionary trailblazer, father, brother, uncle, grandfather, great grandfather – man of distinction. As I look upon your life, I now see the measure of a Man –thanks for showing me the way.